After a failed attempt to get some sit down time with these guys, or as they call themselves, “ladies men”, they finally showed up before they headed off into the local night life. You see, its homecoming here at VCU, but every night is a party with these two guys. In our book, to use the phrase “ladies man” in reference to men of their nature is an understatement. They are the type of guys to walk into your house, raid your fridge, and challenge you to a dance off, all while arranging (via text message) private dates with their pick for the evening. Tonight was no different.
Upon arrival, they alerted us with rhythmic knocks at the door. Swiftly brushing past, after they were invited in of course, heading for the nearest computer. Facebook, check. It’s versatile, serving as their little black book, event planner, photo tracker, and all around autobiography. There were constant distractions, but with a lot of persistence on our part, we finally got them to settle down and spill it.
Lipstick: So, how would you describe yourself when it comes to females?
Ladies Man 1: ah ha ha…umm, I guess a ladies man. That’s it, a ladies man. I get all the girls man.
[Ladies Man 2 was unavailable to start with, his phone being his constant distraction]
Lipstick: Okay, so how many girls do you “date” per week?
LM1: I say at least three right now, yea three.
Lipstick: Well what is the maximum number of girls you’ve “dated” simultaneously?
LM1: (leaning back to ponder; counting on his fingers) I say about five. Five plus one.
[we all laugh]
Ladies Man 2: (finally chiming in) with everything included? Nah, it’s more than that sometimes.
LM1: Yea, I’ll just go for seven days a week.
Lipstick: So do you feel as if every girl knows where she stands with you?
LM1: No. I don’t actually, but I tell them.
Lipstick: So you think they should know?
LM1: Some of them should know. If you’re over my house one day, and you’re not over there for the next four or five days, you know what I’m doing. You know it.
Lipstick: Implying that every guy needs female companionship for every day of the week?
LM1: No, not necessarily. But you have to please the girls so...
Lipstick: Oh, so it’s for the sake of the girls?
LM1: You can’t always woo the girls.
LM2: It’s not always about sex.
Lipstick: So you think about her feelings sometimes?
LM1: Yea, sometimes it is about her feelings.
Lipstick: Just to keep her around?
LM1: yea, just to keep them around.
Lipstick: But, not because you really care?
LM1: But not because...yea, yea.
LM2: If you can pull it off, and you can keep them around, why not? Unless you’re wife’n (exclusively dating) somebody up all the way, then that’s just how it is. You always want more than you can bite off.
Lipstick: So, with that said, when is it the right time to cut-it off?
LM1: I would say never.
Lipstick: If a girl begins to get extremely attached, and shows that she has deeper feelings than what you have, you don’t feel like it’s the time to end it?
LM1: That’s when you end it. That’s the time when you start cutting it off. I’ll just say, “I’m just not dealing with you anymore.”
LM2: You just start woo’in it.
Lipstick: And you can just break it off with no problem?
LM1: No problem. NO problem!! Cuz’ she’s getting too emotional.
Lipstick: So, do think that your emotions ever get involved when you least expect it? For example, if you thought you would eventually cut her off, but she rose above what you expected her to be?
LM1: Umm, I say yea. Actually, yes. Some girls that you thought you would just mess with might end up becoming wifey material.
Lipstick: What are the qualities that a girl should possess to make you want to become exclusive with her?
LM1: Well for me, you know, I’m funny and I like to joke a lot. So she has to be funny, and smart. And basically she has to kind of cater to the things I like to do. We have to meet halfway. That’s about it for real.
LM2: And I’m a momma’s boy, if my mother doesn’t accept you, you’ll never last.
LM1: Yea man.
Lipstick: Okay, so how important is it that she is exclusive with you, although you may not be exclusive with her?
LM1: One hundred percent, a hundred and ten percent necessary.
*Phone calls, side conversation, and bathroom breaks allow the conversation to digress for a moment. Followed by more Facebook activity, and then reminders to one another that they will need time to “pre-game” before the party.
Lipstick: Because of your reputation of being a ladies man, do you feel like when you want to get serious with a girl, she views you a certain way, making it more difficult to get to that level?
LM2: Yup!
LM1: No, I don’t think so.
LM2: I disagree. The con of this situation is sometimes a girl has this image of you, they think about this, they give you heat for everything you do. Certain things that you do they wouldn’t get mad at somebody else for but they’ll get mad at you. They think you always messing around with somebody else, because of the stereotypes.
LM1: I say no, I still say no. I mean there are some girls that only mess with you because of your status, but you slowly get those out. The ones that are really there for you, they are going to give their all to be with you, and they’re going to have to trust you. If she doesn’t trust you there is no point in the relationship. So she has to trust you, until you break that trust.
Lipstick: Have you ever had your heart broken?
LM1/LM2: Yes!
The format of the conversation changed a bit after this. We slowly melded into one another. No longer was this a macho man talk, we all shared a bond that united us immediately: heartbreak. We exchanged stories of loves come and gone. LM1 recited the anecdote that still weighs heaviest on his heart. The story of his first love and longest relationship (8 months) made the life he now leads much more empathetic. She was the only girl that he had given his heart to, only to receive it back in pieces, after he was forced to end their relationship when he learned she had been hooking up with several of his friends. LM2 sang a different song, his dealings with a girl lasted all through high school into college, until she grew tired of waiting on commitment. He admits that he took her for granted, Only just recently has this begun to affect him; they say absence makes the heart grow fonder and it doesn’t hurt when you run into your old flame looking particularly gorgeous, and paying you no mind. Both men blame their feelings towards monogamy on these failed relationships. This brought us to the final question:
Lipstick: So do you ever want to be in a relationship?
LM1: Yea, sometimes.
LM2: Depends on the day.
LM1: It’s harder to deal with six different girls than just one. We make it harder on ourselves. Jump through he most hoops, turn the phone off, and do not answer the text...
LM2: So many decisions! Like, “who am I going to woo today?” You have to have your lies together! Your lies have to be solid.
LM1: Five girls get woo’d everyday, only one gets to lay in the bed.
As women in this male dominated society, we spend a lot of time “man bashing.”
So much time in fact, that we sometimes forget that every scar has a story, every wrinkle a past. These two bachelors have participated in their fair share of devious deeds, and have given reason to raise an eyebrow or two, but somewhere under the surface, they’re just a pair of momma’s boys.
What to think when a guy introduces you by only your name or as a friend? 
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